Marduk? No.
The Buddha? uh-uh.
The Really Scruffy Immortal Who Is Always Portrayed Picking His Nose? Nope.
It’s … Hello Kitty!
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Seriously, people: this is my gate. C3. Taipei to Manila. Most of us are grownups here, ok? And there is something so very sad about a group of distinguished bishops from Latin America, dressed in purple clericals and grey suits, sitting in a bank of pink airport chairs with little kitty motifs everywhere. Can we have some respect, please?
It’s just not right. There is not a decent cup of coffee for miles, but Hello Kitty? Hello Kitty is EVERYWHERE. Hello Kitty check-in kiosks. Hello Kitty toilets. Hello Kitty stores full of Hello Kitty bling and Hello Kitty swag.
We can, however, rest in the assurance– recently given by the CEO of Hello Kitty as the company celebrates its fortieth anniversary– that Hello Kitty is, in fact, not a cat. No, she’s not. She’s a cartoon character, ok? Presumably, so you can buy without fear of allergens. And it must be true. Because I am not alergic to cats. But I am to Hello Kitty. So, there you have it.
There is no other door. Soon they will announce my flight and I will have to pass through the portals of Hello Kitty.
Abandon all hope.
So, I am just going to have to start a rival brand: Hello Jesus. It’s going to be good. It’s already proven very helpful to millions over two thousand years. And no one ever needs to feel embarrassed to sit with Him.
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